I have a question. Why is it that when I go out and party with my work friends, I can’t remember things until 2-3 days later and I have ‘flu-like’ symptoms that last at least 16 hours? Earlier this morning, around 7:20 AM, I had this conversation with my roommate at work. Apparently, whenever she speaks to her home/high school friends, when she tells them she can’t remember the last time she was ever that ‘flu-like’, they remind her she was the LAST time she went out with us.
Let’s take this past Friday night. I responsibly arranged for Robyn to pick me up so that I would not have to leave my car unattended overnight. Following another amazing session of Computer Club, I met her at the nail place down the street. The two of us took quick naps and then got ready to go out.
DILEMMA #1: Dinner or no dinner
Since I had eaten a slice of pizza and ¾ of a chicken roll for lunch, I was barely fitting in to my jeans. I declared I was too fat for dinner. I was not even hungry. The last time the RAMS stampeded about town, I had not eaten dinner. I believe I had 8 jelly beans and 1 chicken wing that night, which nary counts for a main course unless of course you are an anorexic with a sweet tooth and a thing for eating with your hands. Needless to say, the end result was a MEGA headache that I somehow was able to rally through to get a spin class done.
This time, neither Robyn nor I ate anything. Again. But, old school style, Robyn whipped out a bottle of Ketel One from the freezer (new school: it is hers, not a watered down bottle belonging to her parents), some Crystal Light Mix, and seltzer. We concocted something that had an immense amount of Crystal Light floaties in it, but despite the rank taste, drank it anyway. Our ride had no idea that we were fast tracking it to the land of wasted.
DILEMMA #2: Now what do we drink?
We arrive at our destination and it is monsooning. We arrive screaming, “WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO”, in honor of the ‘WOO Girls’ episode of ‘How I Met Your Mother.” Our friends (the girls) WOOOOOOOOOOOOOo back and hold up their Margaritas. TO Margarita or not? I believe Robyn went for it, and from there, she could have been downing cyanide because things begin to get a bit fuzzy from here on. I went for the Blue Moon ( many) and a mystery shot which was the color of Jager but simply delicious. By delicious I mean that I did not run to the bathroom and puke up the shot. I am notorious for just bringing ONLY the shot back up and am the clichéd Jewish drinker. Yet, somehow, when I am with the RAMS, I am brought back to my best days of college drinking. An example of such; Preakness 1997. I need to be reminded to post a pic from that day. Perhaps some of my other friends should have gone with the Blue Moon; their morning afters, followed by the afternoon and evening after, were painful, compliments of the Margarita.
DILEMMA #3: Where is my husband?
So, I am waiting for Josh to show up; my loving husband and my ride. If he is a no show, I am stranded in Massapequa, a mere 45 minutes from my house. I am in no mood for a complicated train situation or a cab. Cabs smell like old ashtrays and I hate making small talk with the driver. While engaged in a very serious game that requires one to press some buttons that maintain an animated , female “entertainer” on a catwalk, my phone rings. I am on a roll. That is a lie. Kind of on a roll, but Roland is also working the buttons. The animated, female “entertainer” is beginning to take off her clothing and accessories, the reward for keeping her on the catwalk and I cannot hear Josh. 3 seconds after I hang up on him, I feel a tap-tap-tap on my shoulder. It’s Josh and he definitely saw me hang up on him. MY DEFENSE: A. I was really getting the hang of the game. B. I honestly could not hear him.
“WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO”, we all scream, at this point, men , women, spouses, friends, foes and friends of foes are 3 sheets to the wind. Josh….stone cold sober and holding, as he is the driver for the night.
DILEMMA #4: Where did all of this food come from?
I don’t know about you, but when I am consuming beverages, I am the thinnest person alive. The thinnest person alive can eat pizza and ¾ of a chicken roll for lunch, drink beer and throw down potato skins, mozzarella sticks and garlic bread with melted cheese. The thinnest person alive wakes up the next day as the fattest woman in America with stomach pains. But, where did all of this food come from? Why is my friend stealing sliders and crab cakes from someone else’s plate despite all of this food?
Turns out, Ryan had a tab which Roland ordered food on. Guess who paid the tab? I need to give Ryan some money….
DILEMMA #5: Who would drink the night before 9 year old triplet nieces come out to play?
Apparently me. Oy. How do people function with the ‘flu’ who have kids. Let’s just say I rallied, but fell asleep at the movie theatre. By 7 PM, I was in pj’s floating in and our sleep until 9.40 the next day. Thank the lord it was too cloudy and cold to golf on Saturday, otherwise I would have been flying solo. Thank the lord Lee told me to dose up on Vitamin B, Advil, and water upon my return to home; this prescription defiantly decreased the symptoms of my ailment.
But I have yet to answer my initial question which was, Why is it that when I go out and party with my work friends, I can’t remember things until 2-3 days later and I have ‘flu-like’ symptoms that last at least 16 hours? Perhaps it is because it is our stress relief. Not one of us sashays through the front door of our home at 3:00 each day. We are coaches, tutors, parents. Perhaps we are closet alcoholics. Doubt it, but for the most part, we are not pounding beers and downing shots on your average Monday night. Maybe it is the build up to the “big night out”. The day begins with a whispered “WOO” and ends with a “WOO” loud enough to have other patrons staring. Perhaps it is because we have found that we are all able to function amongst various groups of friends, and we particularly enjoy getting a little crazy every now and then with each other. Our spouses and bf’s/gf’s incredibly get along really well, so you never have to worry about babysitting someone else. We know how to party and no apologies for that.
The more the merrier. If you are incapable of laughing so hard you might wet your pants, are afraid of getting headlocked, hate smelling like a brewery, never eat fried food and fear what will be posted on Facebook the next day, stay home. If not, get your ass out to the next RAMS stampede.
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