Target

I am being harassed. I don’t know why. And I am sick of it. It started with me giving someone the right of way. There I was feeling good post chiropractic adjustment on my way to pick up the little girl. While rolling down the street, up ahead I saw the light was red and that a car was waiting to make a left off a side street. Recalling the rules of the road, I knew I could not block the side road, and considering there was a red light anyway, I had no reason to rush by. So, I stop. Side road guy makes a left. Light up ahead is still red. And I am called old hag. A girl in a jeep pulls up next to me, questioning my pause in momentum and proceeds to call me an old hag. Maybe in her warped, self serving and invincible mind of the twenty first century, as well as the NO NEWSDAY sticker in my back windshield, a rather old kind of sticker to have compared to her sorority sticker (she WAS NOT my sister), I was old. Yet, she was clearly the asshole; for an old hag, my memory of driver’s etiquette was a lot better than hers. NOT TO MENTION SHE WAS PULLING UP TO THE LEFT TURNING LANE AND THE LIGHT WAS STILL RED!! Caught off guard, in my attempt to respond, I STUTTERED. Now this was a rather inopportune time to develop an articulation disorder, so this same girl imitates whatever I was trying to say and comments that I’m old hag with a stutter. The light then turns green and this girl drives away. Wow-she is sooooo cool. BOTTOM LINE: I would rather be an old hag with an occasional stutter than a young idiot who thinks her shit doesn’t stink. While I might not remember her face, I will remember the sound of her voice. Don’t mess with this old lady. My memory is long, This next case of “Let’s harass the stranger for no reason” took place just the other day. I usually drive down a rather busy residential street on my way to work. There is a high school, so traffic is heavy with drop off. Couple that with garbage collection day, and you have a real cluster %^@$ of congestion. I would like to note that these sanitation men are no joke; they are running through yards in neon vests, motoring like they are competitors on the Amazing Race (I have never watched a full episode). No surprise that all of this rushing might cause some garbage to be left behind in the street. But yes to the surprise that the Litter Vigilante of Merrick (LGM) would roll up with his entire family in a minivan, catch my eye through the passenger window and proceed to say; “Did you throw that garbage out of your car back there?” What the hell? Me: Excuse me? LGM: Did you throw that garbage out of your car back there? Me: You mean the big bag in the middle of the street? NO! DID YOU NOT SEE THE GARBAGE MEN? LGM: Oh, I’m sorry. Then the tough guy quickly rolls up his window before I could say that if he was that concerned with the growing litter problem (sarcasm), why not get out of the car and clean it up rather than assume another motorist threw it there? AND, if the LVM had any interest in the kind of person I am, he should have asked me if I was in Part of the Solution (POTS) in high school, where I helped, along with my good friend Jess, to clean up the town of Rockville Centre. Our pictures even made it into the Herald, you idiot! How about contacting the Department of Sanitation and suggesting that the guys slow down during their weekly garbage collections to avoid such a terrible offense??? Sorry about that. I was just playing out an imaginary scenario. BOTTOM LINE: There’s a vigilante on the loose and he is watching your habits on the road. Make sure to hit his windshield, and not the street, with that old cup of coffee or milk shake you are dumping out while en route. (Kidding. Artistic license) My final brush with harassment took place last night. A few weeks ago I bought a shirt from the Lauren Conrad collection at Kohl’s. I thought I liked it and I took the tags off to wear it to work only to look in the mirror and decide I actually hated it. Along with another LC shirt, I went to make the return. Of course, I couldn’t find the receipt and paid cash. Kohl’s boasts that they will take anything back, no questions asked, but that is a downright lie. The Customer Care associate begins looking for the tag on the shirt I hated and I tell her I took them off. I proceed to tell her the reason. She then says; “Wasn’t there a camisole with this shirt?” WHOA!!! I thought this was no questions asked policy? And for your information, Customer Care rep who moonlights as an expert on every piece of inventory in the store, there was no camisole with this shirt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I get it. People wear clothes and then return them. I am not that person and as a consumer, I unfortunately must bear the brunt of other people’s indiscretions. However, I would also not buy a shirt and keep the cheap tank that is usually attached to it underneath only to return the top layer. Customer Care then inspects the other shirt which has a built in layer underneath and I swear she wasn’t buying my story. BOTTOM LINE: Kohl’s is a liar. Don’t always expect great things. You might think they are great, remove the tags, lose the receipt and then get a what for when returning it. To summarize, it would be nice if people would stop making assumptions and throwing accusations at me. Maybe you need to look inside yourselves and confront the deeper issues. Maybe you fear growing old? Maybe the sight of garbage actually excites you and you secretly hoard it in a strip of storage units. Perhaps you stole camisoles that were attached to shirts and knowing it was wrong, a fully recovered you is trying to help those with the same problem. Whatever your issue, leave me out of it, please.