Today I was out to lunch with the husband, my daughter and some friends. I noticed a familiar face…my ex husband’s wife. Crap….where there’s smoke, there’s fire. And there was my ex husband. In the midst of an animated conversation, I blurted out; “Oh look! My ex husband is crossing the street!” AWKWARD!!! I am not sure if either saw me and quite honestly, that would have been a strange interaction. But, without the destruction of my first marriage, I would not have been sitting outside of Sutton Place with my husband, daughter and some friends. I secretly thanked the current Mr. and Mrs. H for making my life a living hell, as brief as it was because where I literally was today is a much happier place to be.
This brings me to the Re-Deux---the second time around. Last night, we attended the wedding of my good friend Robyn and her now husband Rob. Yes, two Robs. Both Robs have previously been married as well. In a quick side-note compliments of small worldliness/Jewish geography, my sister once hung out with Man Rob. He bought her a Red Bull. The end….Back to last night. During their beautiful and lighthearted ceremony, I was waxing nostalgic over life’s way of throwing shit in your face only to see just how you manage to clean that shit off. I imagine that me and the two Robs were excited to walk down the aisle the first time. I know I was, but I also know I was so nervous, almost to the point of getting sick and with my 20/20 vision that allows me to see so accurately into the past, I recognize that those nerves were really apprehension and a voice screaming in my head not to do it. Cest la vie. Without making that “mistake” of a first marriage, I would not have been sitting next to Josh listening to the Robs take their vows.
I mean, can we ever be sure if our relationship decisions are the right ones? No, but we choose the paths we take. I remember when Lady Rob came to grips with the fact that her marriage was over. It was as painful and heartbreaking for me to watch her go through the pain and anger as it was for me to have actually gone through it myself. But I knew she would get through it. That Rob—she is a tough one. Through a set up, she met Man Rob and after months of referring to him as a friend, she realized he truly was a friend AND the love of her life.
Because our work crew is silly and love any excuse to wear identical shirts while traveling in a pack, a group of us girls got together for a RE-DEUX celebration. And you know what? It was a true celebration. How many people are that fortunate to have the chance to love again; to pick up the pieces of something that was shattered, toss some of those pieces away but keep the ones that helped to get you to be the person you now are? People assume that those who have been through divorce are damaged goods. Maybe that is true, but I certainly don’t think damage can be limited only to those coming off a divorce. While I was on J-Date, there were many guys who poo-pood divorcees. There are so many of us out there, male and female, for whatever reason who walk down the aisle toward who they believe is their future, only to put them in the past. We are the ones who understand what marriage is about or at least what it shouldn’t be (not to say that those of you who have only been married once have it wrong…go you!) and only want what we didn’t have.
So mucho mazel to the Robs and their RE-DEUX. You have shown so many of us love lives. AND, you threw a great party. My feet are freakn’ killing me!
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