From Lisa to BO…a Metamorphic Disaster

Tied with a multitude of pet peeves in the numero uno spot is body odor. I just don’t understand it. If others are experiencing nasal rape from someone’s sweat glands, how is it that person isn’t bothered by their own stench? Are they immune? Do they lack a sense of smell? Do they simply not regard hygiene as a necessity? Is this a cultural issue?
So many questions, and no answers. Yet, guess who smelled like yesterday’s gym clothes with a side of grilled onions? ME!!!!!!!!!!!!
Horror of horrors. I am gross. I am my own pet peeve. Following the birth of baby E, I was not informed that my hormones would be so out of control that I would continue to sweat like a pig and SMELL!!! Perhaps if I read up on these issues or asked more questions, I would have been better prepared to deal with the consequences of making fun of smelly people. For years, I have used Hi & Dri Powder Fresh deodorant. It costs less than a dollar and can only be purchased at Harmon Drugs or, on occasion, the Dollar Store (where, side-note, nothing is really a dollar). It is a no frills deodorant I discovered sometime during high school after I suffered the trials and tribulations of overactive sweat glands that had me looking like I ran 47 miles up and down hill by the time first period started. I was just sweaty though, not smelly. Prescription deodorant was painful. After I plowed through every deodorant under the sun, including men’s, I tried Hi & Dri. It was a Christmas miracle, or what I least believe would be the equivalent to one considering I light the menorah. Recently, I recommended this deodorant to some friends and they are hooked too. How could they not be? Helen Keller had Anne Sullivan, armpit’s have Hi & Dri. IT IS THAT GOOD. In fact, if I were to learn that it was being discontinued, I imagine I would freak out like Elaine on Seinfeld when the Sponge was no longer going to be an option for birth control (http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=288892985899). I am that loyal…and this is deodorant we are talking about.
Yes, loyal, despite the fact that Hi & Dri is failing me. My hormones are so crazy that they are trying to turn me against my beloved little pink roll on bottle. So much so, that the other day at work, I caught a wiff of myself. Appalled, I sniffed again….you know the move….lift arm shoulder height and turn head to the side while pretending to wipe the side of your face on your sleeve, only you are inhaling what you hope is smelly good scent, not BODY ODOR!!!!
Fortunately, I have back-up in my glove compartment and desk. I also have alternative deodorants that apparently appeal better to a body that is simply not itself just yet. So, if you see me, or possibly smell me first, remember, it’s not hygienic neglect, a lack of sense of smell, or a cultural issue; it’s my hormones.