Accusations are Seriously Hurtful

The other day I stopped in to a store down the street from where I work. I had not been there in a while since my favorite cleaners, fondly nicknamed "Pipteen", had lost their lease and had to relocate across the street, hence making it less of a necessity to pop in and check out the latest trendy accessories. Granted, the store jacks up the prices, as I have seen their wares at the wholesalers in Manhattan, but I still like to look. It is a small store. So small, in fact, that if one were to let one loose,so to speak, it would be impossible to pass off the blame. Not that this has actually happened to me, but I just want you to be able to visualize the size of this store. The place is run by a woman and her daughter. Said daughter is a typical Long Island JAP who is always on the phone. I know that next weekend she has a party in the city because it was impossible not to tune out her loud convo. It was also impossible not to tune out the part of the conversation which said; "I have to hang up and watch customers in the store."

WHAT? The customers in question were myself and another woman with her teenage daughter. Because I am an undiagnosed paranoid with a slight case of OCD, I immediately assume she is talking about me. Not that I believe I appear sketchy or the type to steal, but when I am debating a jewelry purchase, I need to pick up the piece, examine it for craftsmanship and possibly try it on. I will add a disclaimer here that I do not try on earrings; i hold them up to my ear. About fifteen seconds after loud daughter hangs up the phone, her proprietor mother begins hovering behind me. SERIOUSLY? I have spent a small fortune in this store and not once has this happened! I have also never noticed how fat the owners ass was either, but that is besides the point. Perhaps I noticed because I needed something to be angry about as a way to shield my hurt that I was sort of being accused of theft without ever committing a crime. In case you were already thinking it, I am never going back there with my business. Not to mention, the accusatory owner with the wide load was crazy gluing studs that had fallen off of a belt at the counter. It doesn't take a genius to say that one should not be repairing faulty, overpriced merchandise in front of potential (now no longer) customers.

This brings me to my next point. I believe that accusations are often paired with conclusions that one has jumped to. For example, a few weeks ago, two boys were stopped in the hallway on their way to the testing room. They had their papers pressed to the wall and were filling in answers. They were silent. Yet, what did the teacher in me think? Yup, you got it; that they were cheating. I know these boys but often the most cunning are the least suspect, especially when it comes to cheating in middle school. I presented the situation to the boys, one of which was on the verge of tears, and asked them what they believed I was thinking. Neither is clairvoyant (that I know of ), but both were able to tell me that if they stumbled upon what I saw, they would think they were cheating too. (Their alibi-as they were flipping through the test, they say the opportunity to get a section filled in ASAP because they didn't want to forget the info. I can dig that--good test taking strategy, just not in the hall next to a classmate). In the end, my insticts instructed me to pursue Jewish guilt as the method of 'punishment', and I put the responsiblity on the boys to tell their teacher if they cheated. You might think this is dumb, but giving certain kids control over the situation leads them in the right direction, not to mention I don't want to be what some of my colleagues are, which is always assuming the worst about the kids.

But I have still not made it to my point. The tidbit about the boys in the hall is part of the build up. You see, the supposed evidence made them appear guilty, yet in my heart, I truly believed they were not. The expression on their faces when I confronted them was of horrific disbelief, not guilt. It is important to be able to have the intuition to differentiate between the two, but I think that is largely based on a person's ability and desire to want to see the good in others. A few nights ago, I was told by a tarot card reader that I needed to forgive, but to also stand my ground. I find this to be a challenge, since I have been harboring some pretty strong feelings towards a particular situation, a particular accusation. The accused was not me, but it just as well might have been. There a whole set of circumstances surrounding ths, such as the accused and the accuser getting off on the wrong foot from the get go and the fact that at the time of this latest incident, certain 'rules' were broken, rules that were unknown. The bottom line is this: a hurtful, demeaning accusation was made which has caused me a lot of pain. Why? Because I would have hoped that the opposing party would have enough faith in me to believe that what they were saying, what they believed to be the truth, could not possibly be anything but a total misunderstanding. So who stands there and apoliges? Me. Who attempts to reach out to deconstruct the situation so that it is more clear to the other side? Me. And what happens? It is swept under the rug. And now I am festering with hurt and anxiety about a giant elephant in the room. I know the other side will not see things my way or see things for what they are. But that is not my problem. My problem is allowing things to slide for so long, and allowing others around me to hold court with what they have constructed to be the truth. Perhaps now I am the one accusing, but accusations are seriously hurtful. I am capable of forgiveness, but I will stand my ground when it comes to the fact that when someone accuses another person of what I perceive as a dispicable offense, they are the ones who owe an apology for not just jumping, but leaping to conclusions.

To end on a high note, I feel the need to reference Spartacus again. He deserted his army and was forced into a life of slavery. Bad enough,but his wife was also punished for the crime which he was accused of (and committed). Imagine how he felt?