Baby Josh Visits the Doctor

So, the entire nature of a gyno visit changes when you are pregnant. For 9 months, he or she is no longer a gyno, but an ob. For 9 months, your husband also comes to the doctor with you. I actually put off Josh coming with me for about 3 visits. It just felt strange bringing someone along to what has always been a solo visit of a very personal nature.

I have heard things like; “I am not comfortable with you having a male doctor touch you down there” from Josh. After witnessing the “magic wand” with it’s special eye getting stuck up my nether-region, Josh now realizes that there is nothing sexual, nor glamorous about a visit to the ob-gyn WHATSOEVER!

But enough about my chooch. Let’s get down to the real nitty gritty of this entry. Taking Josh to the doctor is like a field trip. It is very stressful. In fact, I wonder if I am going to receive a bill in the mail for damages caused by our last visit there. I ran out of the room to use the ladies room for 2 minutes and Josh informed me that he thought he broke a lamp in the examination room. NO, it was not a desk lamp, rather, it was a lamp with a very long, flexible neck, about vaj-high used to get a closer look…

No, Josh, it is not additional room lighting.

Of course, Josh has to try on the rubber gloves (his father is a doctor for God’s sake) and sit on the rolly chair used by the doctor and say “spread ‘em”, a line NEVER used by my doctor…FYI.

Josh has to open every drawer and question the size of cotton swabs and ask why there are pipe cleaners in a gyno’s office.

JOSH: “Why are there pipe cleaners in a gyno’s office?”
ME: “Those are not pipe cleaners. They are inserted into your
vagina as an avenue to swab the innards of my lady parts as
per a PAP smear.”
JOSH: “I think I might vomit.”

Quickly, the drawer is slammed closed. I expect a bill for broken hinges.

Despite Josh’s introduction to the PAP stick, he still has to push it and open the next drawer. He is like a kid on Christmas, eagerly ripping away the wrapping paper to see what is next.

But much to Josh’s surprise, the next drawer is LOADED with tampons and maxi pads.

JOSH: “EWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
ME: “What did you expect? We are at a gyno’s office???.”
JOSH: “I think I might vomit.”
ME: “Next time, wait in the waiting room . When the fetus
is being shown on the sono, we can call you in. You are
worse than a child. "


This is a temporary situation. Soon, my privates will have their privacy back.