#Go Fly a Kite

Less than two months ago, I was supposed to wake up, drop my kids off to and day care and grade the few hundred English Language Arts exams of students whose families had not refused the test in the wake of the Opt-Out Movement. I was excited to sleep a little later since we did not have to report for duty until 8 AM and to wear sweatpants because, after all, one must create optimal levels of comfort while reading mind numbing essay. Instead, I awoke to a horrible, tragic and shocking set of circumstances. My 39 year old husband unexpectedly passed away in his sleep. 911, police, making the worst phone call to someone's parents you don't ever want to imagine consumed the beginning of what was supposed to be a normal day dressed in sweatpants. I have much to say, but I am not ready to commit to those words in print. There are so many things that swirl around my mind day in and day out. Yesterday my thoughts turned to the question of what do widows (barf, that's me) do with their rings. I am in marriage limbo; I'm not divorced, yet I am sort of separated. If I was getting divorced, the rings would have put away or sold; no second thoughts. I don't personally have a single sole to relate to that is within the 35-40 range dealing with this sort of insanity, and why should I; this doesn't happen to people like me or to people I know. But it did and there are many moments when I feel lost despite the network of support that surrounds me. Naturally, I turn to Google. So there I was yesterday, when I came across an article with various suggestions of what to do with wedding rings after a spouse dies. I have decided that I am not burning them, nor am I throwing them in the ocean. I am not "making someone's day" as suggested, by tying them to the end of kite string. WE ARE TALKING ABOUT DIAMONDS HERE. While this amused me, I held back tears and texted some of my friends who just allowed me rant and "text out" what was on my mind. While I do not feel the need to make any decisions right now, big or small, I have decided that when I am ready, my engagement ring will not be part of a message in a bottle, nor will I repurpose it into a new piece of jewelry. When our daughter meets the person of her dreams, the ring will be hers if she so desires. And yes, it is just a ring. But with that ring came promises and hopes and dreams that should be shared, not forgotten.