All the News That's Fit to Print?

So, it has been a while. I realize this. My dreams of becoming a renowned blogger are fast slipping away. Is it that I don’t have time? Not really. The truth is,I havent really had much I wanted to expand on. I mean, who wants to hear about the gigantic doody I am anticipating my daughter to make after a bout of constipation? I have had a real lack of inspiration. But, here is a list, in no particular order, about some things that have popped up but just didn’t give me the thrill I was looking for. They are in the form of newspaper headlines that I see running along the front page of the imaginary newspaper in my head: 1. Coming Soon: New Tour at the Museum of Natural History. “Genitalia and Butt Cheeks, A Look Back in Time.” 2. Bump Watch 2011-2012: Part DEUCE 3. 18 Years Later: Busted Bitches from High School, Bitchier and Busted-er (not a word, but I am not a professional). 4. Long Nails on Men, Hot For Spring…NOT (and never) 5. The New Measure of Will Power; Not Stealing Chocolates From Offices Around the Workplace 6. My 7 Month Old is a Bully! 7. Is it Legal? Can an Orange Cone Really Save a Parking Spot, Even it is For the Assistant Cook? 8. Forever 31….Who Wants In?? 9. 5 Signs that it’s a Hangover, Not Food Poisoning. 10. Baby Sleeps Through the Night! Raffle Winner! Scratch off Winner! It’s My Lucky Day! 11. Man Reveals He Has Every Piece of Heart Equipment in His Chest After Spin Class: Interview at 11 12. If I Can See Your Underwear and Butt, They are Tights, Not Leggings.