As full as my closet and drawers are, I generally find myself reaching for the same favorite pieces of clothing. This even applies to undergarments and makeup! About a year ago, I was cleaning out my underwear and sock drawer, only to discover that I had socks older than my middle school students. In fact, they were from middle school. You probably assume they were threadbare, but no, apparently I was unhealthfully hording socks from a time in my life where my feet were the smallest part of me. I wonder what a therapist would say about that…I also discovered some underwear that had not been worn in years. Perhaps some of you might remember patterned, satiny undies with thin elastic on the sides? I believe what was symbolic of these was my transition from a cotton, pastel, Warner’s wearing girl to a sexy-ish satin wearing young woman. Alas, I decided it was time to stop being ridiculous and throw out these remnants that I clearly would never wear again. Ordinarily, I donate my old/too tight clothes, but I had to draw the line somewhere.
Last night, I donned a favorite pair of boxer shorts to bed. They were from the Gap, circa 1989/1990. Predominantly red with plaid in green, blue, yellow and purple, they were originally intended for a man. Some of you might remember that at one time, it was acceptable for a girl to wear men’s underwear as outerwear. During my beach bum days at Malibu , I would wear the old school Hanes over my bathing suit; white with a blue or green diamond pattern of some sort and butt sag like I dropped a mega deuce. Soon, however, the Gap began to make boxer-like shorts for women and this former fat girl (a little fat right now—I just had a baby!) was all over that elasticized goodness like white on rice. I had two favorite pairs, both hunter green, with stripes. While on a trip to the Hamptons with my friend Erika, we went into a t-shirt store and I bought a white t that said “West-Hampton Beach Lacrosse” in hunter green writing and a pair of crossed lacrosse sticks in the center. Of course, it matched perfectly with both pairs of hunter green pseudo boxers. I could now rotate that shirt with my hunter green pocket t and white v-neck!!
But then, I began a new romance. One day at the Gap (I would DIE if the Gap ever went out of business), still obsessed with boxers, I stumbled upon a two for twenty deal on men’s “lingerie”. A pair of navy boxers with yellow, green, white and red stripes and the illustrious red plaid pair were soon placed in the blue and white plastic bag and faster than you could so go, two new outfits were born. Of course, I wore both with a white v-neck and pocket t. I am not quite sure what happened to the navy pair, but I know they are long gone. So last night, while I was laying in bed picking the red plaid boxers out of my nether-regions, I came to a decision. It was time to get rid of the boxers. Back and forth I debated this in my head. In fact, I am still debating taking them out of the garbage when I get home later today. They are ripped and worn. They are loose enough that at times, they slide down my hips so I have to roll the top. They are the first thing I tried on after I came from delivering Emily and the first that fit. They have been with me through high school, college, break-ups, divorce, good times and bad. They are the ultimate pair of boxers, once an outfit I wore in public, and now my former, favorite pj bottoms. They are no more. In fact, I cannot even bring myself to render these boxers as a rag for cleaning.
R.I.P red, plaid boxers. Thank you for being there for me during the best of times and the worst of times.
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